Chip Off the Old Block, Pride and Prejudice Fanfiction
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Chip Off the Old Block (or, Clueless in Derbyshire!)By Judy-Lynne
Posted on Wednesday, 19 July 2000
Contrary to what this writer told you previously, Richard and Olivia Fitzwilliam did have a second child, a son. Sadly, he was rarely seen or spoken of outside his own intimate family circle, especially once his rather unique...'condition'...was first discovered. The boy was born several years after his older sister Elizabeth Jane, much to her relief. It spared her a great deal of mortification, for who wants a brother "like that" as a peer? He was named Josiah, for although Mr. Darcy had named his third son for his favorite cousin, our dear General was not about to return the favor by burdening his first and only son with the name "Fitzwilliam Fitzwilliam." Thus it came to pass that the babe was named for his maternal grandfather.
Olivia had given all up hope of giving her beloved husband a son when she first realized that life had once again begun to quicken in her womb. Ten years of marriage had produced only one daughter. General Fitzwilliam (retired) was content to be the father of a single daughter. Elizabeth Jane was the light of his life-along with his beloved Olivia, of course. The birth of their son, however, was greeted as a special blessing, and the little family welcomed Josiah with open arms. At first everything seemed normal. But by his third birthday, the child's problems became manifest.
After dismissing a third nurse, the General and Mrs. Fitzwilliam decided to dispense with outside help entirely and raise the boy themselves. A governess was simply out of the question, although tutors and masters were procured to assure the boy of a good education. Gradually, the Fitzwilliams withdrew from public life, and they spent more and more time at home with their son. In an effort to prevent their daughter ("E.J." to her father) from being denied a normal intercourse with society, the General occasionally ventured from his estate and even into London to attend important social gatherings, although more often than not the girl was placed in the care of the Darcys. (As a consequence of spending nearly half her formative years at Pemberley, Elizabeth Jane and the second of the Darcy boys--Nicholas--fell hopelessly in love and eventually married.)
Of course, rumors ran rampant that Mrs. Fitzwilliam had gone mad and was institutionalized and that the General had become a virtual recluse. Other, similarly outlandish, stories were concocted to explain Olivia's disappearance from society. When she occasionally appeared at her father's house in town for brief visits, therefore, she aroused as much curiosity as the crown jewels. Olivia never quite explained her absence to her curious acquaintance. She gave no sign of being mad. But it just seemed so very odd that for years no one ever saw the General and Mrs. Fitzwilliam together, unless it was in Derbyshire, that rumors persisted for more than a decade.
Even in their native Derbyshire, the couple rarely went out and even more rarely entertained guests, save for members of the family. On one such evening, Mr. and Mrs. Darcy and Mr. and Mrs. Bingley sat at the table at the end of a delicious and satisfying meal.
"Can we not go up to the nursery for a little while, just to look in on him once more?" Jane pleaded to Olivia. Mrs. Fitzwilliam winced and the General sighed deeply, while Mr. Darcy rolled his eyes.
"See what I mean?" The General whispered to Mr. Bingley.
"I just do not understand it," Mr. Bingley said, slowly shaking his head. "I have never heard of such an affliction." Mr. Darcy glanced at his cousin, who again sighed heavily as he stared at the wine in the bottom of his glass.
"It happened to me, actually," the General confessed.
"The 'Fitzwilliam Curse'?" Mr. Darcy murmured in a tone drenched in sarcasm. Only Elizabeth heard him and she looked at her husband disapprovingly.
"I suppose Josiah has inherited the condition," the General shrugged and then downed the remainder of his wine. Olivia looked up sharply. Her husband had never mentioned his own affliction before.
"You mean you...Good, God, man!" cried Mr. Bingley. "How did you ever...?" It was Mr. Darcy's turn to sigh. He not at all sure that the General should speak of the matter with Mr. Bingley, not to mention in front of the ladies. But the man seemed determined to vent and Mr. Darcy braced himself for a discussion of what he deemed a most distasteful subject.
"Yes," General Fitzwilliam began as he looked deeply into Olivia's eyes. He realized that he had never discussed with her what he was about to reveal. But it was too late to turn back.
"I had it when I was younger." Olivia's eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open. "It is true, my dear," the General admitted. "I suffered terribly for a number of years, but I have long since grown out of it. I am certain that Josiah will, as well." Mr. Darcy snorted derisively.
"Hah!" murmured Jane, who quickly turned her head to unceremoniously wipe her damp chin with the back of her hand. Elizabeth, who sat opposite, unwillingly withdrew her eyes from the General to blink at her sister.
"Jane!" she hissed.
Olivia pulled herself together and slowly rose from the table, bidding the ladies to follow her into the drawing room. The General wanted to stop her, but realized that he and his wife would have to resolve the matter at another time.
"But they have not had their pudding," offered Mr. Bingley. Olivia's expression hardened as she left the table and Mr. Darcy mumbled something about Elizabeth and Jane having had enough 'pudding' for one evening. The General glared at his cousin before he sought the solace of the offered port.
As they made their way down the corridor to the drawing room, Elizabeth nudged her sister gently.
"Jane, that was very indiscreet," she whispered before entering the room.
"Yes it was, Jane," Olivia agreed as she spun and confronted the pair. Closing the door behind her and leaning against it, Olivia's voice held a note of panic as she confronted a blushing Jane.
"Tell me. I must know."
Jane and Elizabeth exchanged a bewildered glance.
"What do you mean, Livy?" Elizabeth asked.
"About the General...I heard your comment, Jane. Is it true?" Olivia cried.
"Is what true, Livy?" Jane replied innocently. Olivia began to pace. Jane and Elizabeth exchanged glances once more and then went to her.
"I used to think it was just me," Olivia admitted. "I was completely besotted with him, as any girl is with the man she intends to marry. I knew other girls wanted him, but well, he was a handsome, unmarried officer in the king's army, and the son of an earl into the bargain. Who could blame them? I really thought little of it," she said sinking into a chair. Elizabeth knelt at her friend's side as Jane drew up a chair close by and sat down.
"I knew that my marriage had made a lot of other girls very unhappy, but I thought they were merely jealous of my good fortune. And then...." Elizabeth squeezed Olivia's hand.
"And then...?" Elizabeth prodded gently.
"Well, after our marriage, we tried to settle into a normal household routine, but it was somewhat difficult." Jane lowered her head and blushed, but Elizabeth frowned.
"What do you mean, Livy?"
"Well, we hired household staff, but in the first six months of marriage we had to replace four chambermaids. They were caught trying to steal from us." Elizabeth was completely perplexed by this revelation, as was her sister.
"What does this have to do with--?" asked Jane. Elizabeth silenced her with a sharp glance, but Olivia explained.
"At least, I thought they were trying to steal from us. They were all caught trying to sneak into the General's dressing room. Amazingly enough, I actually caught one of them trying to sneak in while my husband was at his bath. I thought the girl to be completely stupid, but now I am not so sure." Olivia looked at Elizabeth and Jane in turn. "If what my husband said is true, and unless I have mistaken your reaction, Jane...." Jane averted her eyes and blushed again. Elizabeth rose and confronted her best friend with the hard truth.
"It is true, Livy. The General and your son are certainly afflicted with the same... condition, and...yes, your husband has definitely NOT outgrown it." Again, Olivia's mouth fell open.
"Definitely not!" echoed Jane, her eyes wide.
"All this time...we have been married fifteen years now and...why did you not tell me before? And Richard--why did he not tell me himself?" A single tear escaped her eye.
"You must be...that is...how could you possibly...." Jane tried a different tack. "We...I did not know that you were unaware of your husband's...uh...." Jane looked to her sister for assistance. "Perhaps your husband is unaware of his continued--."
"Yes," Elizabeth interjected. "And it is probably better for the General if he does not know that he is still...well...irresistible to ladies," Elizabeth managed.
"Irresistible? That does not begin to...." A sharp look from Elizabeth silenced Jane yet again. Olivia became pale. However, she postponed her plunge into self-pity just long enough to satisfy her curiosity.
"Lizzy? You do not seem to be affected by my husband or by Josiah as other women are."
"Yes, Lizzy," Jane chimed in. "It has always been a struggle for most of the General's female acquaintance to control themselves in his presence," she said. She turned to Olivia. "You see, we had all agreed to restrain our...urges...for your sake, Livy." She returned her attention to her sibling. "I have always wondered how you managed it so well." Elizabeth drew herself up and looked at Jane smugly.
"I do have Mr. Darcy, you know."
"As if!" snorted Jane. Elizabeth balled her hands into little fists and glared at Jane. Jane stood to meet her head on.
"Your 'precious' Mr. Darcy cannot begin to compare with..." Jane stifled her next words in deference to the wife of her object of her barely contained lust. Jane backed away, although she was tempted to wipe the self-satisfied smile from her dear sister's countenance. She looked at Olivia apologetically and resumed her seat.
"Is this what Josiah has to look forward to?" Olivia whispered to herself. She absently rubbed at her left temple. Just then, voices could be heard in the hall as the men approached the drawing room. Elizabeth withdrew to a chair a short distance away, and Jane smoothed her gown and prepared herself to greet the men.
The men entered the room, led by the General. Jane sat forward in her seat and all but drooled at him. Olivia rolled her eyes and shook her head. Why had she never noticed this kind of behavior earlier? The General immediately headed for his wife and Olivia put up an admirable display of composure. Still, it had always been impossible to control her heart rate when the General was nearby.... She smiled at her husband and understood for the first time all that had eluded her for the better part of twenty years.
Henceforth, Olivia closely observed the actions of the few women who were still allowed in the household. The household staff was now comprised mostly of men, mainly for the sake of Josiah, but Olivia could not help noticing that the household ran much more smoothly than it had before. There had been a turnover of downstairs maids as well as chambermaids. Breakfasts were served without the spills and mishaps that had previously been an all too common occurrence. No longer were there fights for the right to dust the family portraits and no longer did all conversation cease and women scatter when Mrs. Fitzwilliam entered the laundry room. In fact, the General's wardrobe fared considerably better after the footmen took over the chore of doing the gentleman's wash. Each week, every one of the General's shirts, cravats, stockings, and smalls made it safely back to the General's dressing room. The couple had spent a small fortune on the General's attire in their first few years of marriage.
The few women who still resided within the Fitzwilliam household were staid, mature ladies, long past the bloom of youth and too well schooled in proper behavior to carry on like their predecessors. And Mrs. Fitzwilliam's youngish abigail was so shy and repressed that even the sight of General Fitzwilliam could not inspire her, or so Olivia hoped, as she said a silent prayer each night before retiring.
And what of Josiah? Well, once Olivia had learned a bit more about her husband's impact on the female of the species, she determined to spare her son as best she could. Josiah grew up sheltered and secluded under the watchful and worried gaze of his parents. While at Eton he was never allowed to spend his vacations at the homes of his mates, although his friends were welcome to visit the family estate, formerly the Petrie Farm, in Derbyshire. Protecting Josiah at Cambridge was more difficult, and the young man created an occasional disturbance whenever he left the campus, though he was quite unaware of the effect he was having on the female population. The Grand Tour, the traditional reward for the completion of a young man's studies, was put off indefinitely.
"It really is not fair, you know," sighed the General. "Josiah is a young man now; we cannot keep him locked away forever," he said to his wife late one evening.
"What did your parents do?" Olivia asked. "How did they ever manage with you?" The General ran a hand through his silver hair and claimed a seat beside his beloved wife.
"I was completely oblivious when I was his age," the Colonel replied sheepishly. Olivia's dubious expression spoke volumes. "It is true, beloved! I had no idea why women kept throwing--!" The General wisely broke off and shrugged.
"I was encouraged to enter the army immediately after graduation," he confessed finally, "and thus spent the better part of my adult life in places where there were relatively few women around."
"Well, we cannot encourage Josiah to join the army. He is a firstborn son and has no need of a profession." The General nodded. Olivia rose and began to pace. "Besides, he wants to go to London. I cannot put off a trip to town indefinitely. He no longer believes that it is a matter of his health. He says that if he was well enough to attend Eton and Cambridge--."
"I know, I know. Well," the General sighed. "I think that he should go. We can no longer avoid it."
"But Richard...he will be massacred!" The General laughed, not quite convincingly.
"I survived, did I not?"
"You were a trained military man! You also frequently wore a saber, or had the protection of a sidearm. Our son will not be so fortunate," Olivia pouted. The General's laugh became sincere.
"Nonsense, dearest. He will be fine." General Fitzwilliam flashed his most charming smile at his wife of thirty-two years and Olivia smoldered.
"Do you have any idea how much Josiah favors you, beloved?" The General looked his confusion.
"The poor boy is doomed."
Weeks later, Josiah Fitzwilliam's formal entry into London society--perhaps the one thing that could have surpassed the sensation created by the appearance of both his parents in town for the first time in more than twenty years--made all the papers. Of course, his parents were destined for the society page. Josiah made headlines.
Riot at Almack's! Seventy women and one man injured slightly in melee...
The End.
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