Cheeseburgers In Paradise

Cheeseburgers In Paradise, Pride and Prejudice Fanfiction

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Cheeseburgers In Paradise--Section IBy Spring

Section I,

t is a Truth Universally acknowledged that a Single Man in possession of a Good Fortune and Karma must be in want of a Wife

It is also a Truth that Beggars can't be Choosers.

Chapter 1

Elizabeth fumbled for her keys and walked into her apartment right when the answering machine picked up. Since her arms were full, she decided the phone could wait and started emptying the sacks of groceries. Her dog, Sandy, greeted her, tail wagging, as she walked into the kitchen.

"Lizzy? Jane? Pick up the phone." Elizabeth sighed. It was her mother. She was glad she didn't answer, talking to Mom gave her a headache sometimes. "OK, I guess you're not there yet. Call me as soon as you get home, I have the most exciting news for you! Everyone is in an uproar about our new club members. I can't wait for Jane to meet him. He's sooo rich and handsome and I just know they'll hit it off together, and he has a huge boat and has talked of having a sailing party someday soon and..."BEEEEP. Elizabeth smiled. Mom never got to finish anything on the answering machine. Elizabeth made sure that the machine didn't run for very long and she suspected that her sister, Jane was secretly pleased.

When she finished putting the groceries away she knelt on the floor to rub Sandy's belly. "Who's a good dog? Wanna go outside? Do you? Yes, she does! Come on let's go!"

"Hi, Lizzy, I didn't here you come in." Jane, just out of the shower, was standing in the doorway to her bedroom wrapping a towel around her hair. "Was that Mom on the phone?"

"Yep, apparently she's found a husband for you. You're to call her immediately and set the wedding date." Jane blushed at Lizzy's joke. "I don't know why you're blushing, Jane, unless you are finally sick of Mom trying to match you up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that crosses her path. "

"Oh, Lizzy, You know Mom means well, it's just that..."

"She can't see that all of her friends are laughing behind her back about it. It's very sweet of you to humor her, Jane. I don't know how you can put up with it." Elizabeth smiled and got the leash out of the closet and hooked it on Sandy's collar. She started out the door and stopped. Turning around to face Jane she said "Honestly, do you really think that she'll actually find our true loves and future husbands for us? You know the men she picks out. Sleazy, desperate, borderline stalkers." Seeing her sister's face Elizabeth nodded, "Me neither. I think that this will be the last time I play along with her marriage schemes." Then Elizabeth left.

Chapter 2

The car pulled around the drive and parked under the portico. A valet attendant opened the passenger door and Jane stepped onto the cobblestone walkway. Elizabeth stepped out of the driver's side and handed the keys to the valet. She saw him smirk at her. Quickly, she glanced down to make sure everything was where it should be. She looked at her gown and her shoes, looked up at Jane wearing a blue dress and was as beautiful as usual. Elizabeth decided that nothing was wrong with either of them and turned to the valet. He had already gotten in the car and moved the seat, adjusted the mirrors, and changed the radio station. Elizabeth stuck her tongue out at him and immediately bit it.

"Lizzy!" She whirled around and saw her mom standing in the entrance with all of her sisters in tow. " How can you be so unladylike? I know I never raised you like that. It was all your father's doing I bet. He just undermined everything I taught you girls about life and how to Get Ahead. If you had only listen to me you and Jane would both be married by now. But no, I am just ignored and unappreciated..."

Elizabeth tuned her out and looked around the foyer of the country club her mom had talked her dad into joining years ago. For months Judith Bennet begged and pleaded with her husband to join the Netherfield Yacht and Country Club. Martin Bennet evaded all of her salvos until she carried out her threat of never speaking to him again. At first Mr. Bennet thought he was in Heaven until the silence unnerved him and his daughters coming to him with messages from his wife just about made him as batty as she was. So he gave in and joined the club, despite the fact that they don't have a boat or barely even the income to afford the dues. Mrs. Bennet was ecstatic when she first stepped into the rooms of the club, ordering waiters about as if she owned the place and speaking loudly as if everyone around her was hard of hearing.

Elizabeth was also happy when they joined because her best friend Charlotte Lucas and her family were also members. Hers sisters were just as pleased as Elizabeth although, with some differences of feeling. Jane was happy because that was the way Jane was. As the eldest at twenty-five she gave her mother such high hopes. Jane was the beauty of the family. Mrs. Bennet hoped that someday Jane would take up a modeling career but Jane wouldn't even consider it. Always smiling and pleasant and never thinking badly about anyone Jane was as angelic as she was beautiful.

Mary, the third sister was, well, resigned. She was not as sociable as her sisters were and, being very shy, she spent most of her time reading or practicing the piano (long after her sisters had given up on it, I might add). She wasn't very pretty or very bright but what she lacked naturally she made up for in studying and enthusiasm. Or at least she gave it her best shot.

Katie and Lydia were the two youngest. Lydia was everything her mother could desire in a child. Daring, outspoken, ready for any adventure was how Mrs. Bennet saw her youngest daughter. Elizabeth and Jane pretty much agreed that Lydia was really foolish, headstrong, and reckless and if she didn't straighten out soon Lydia was bound to get into serious problems. Katie wasn't as bad as her younger sister, but being easily influenced she willingly went along with her sister's hair-brained schemes.

Elizabeth was two years younger than Jane. She was shorter, darker and more on the cynical side than Jane. She loved watching people and enjoyed their follies and inconsistencies. She wasn't a great beauty but she was pretty. Elizabeth didn't give it much thought. Between Jane and Elizabeth they shared something together that none of the other sisters did. Jane and Elizabeth knew what it was to be friends with each other and love each other for who they were. That was one of the reasons why they shared an apartment together. Another one was standing two feet away and still haranguing Elizabeth about anything that came into mind about everything. Elizabeth sighed, she loved her mother but she could feel a headache coming.

As their party moved on into the ballroom, Elizabeth noticed a group of people standing a few feet from the entrance. There were three men and two women. She looked at the women and noticed that they were attractive and fashionably dressed but seemed sort of aloof. Elizabeth wondered about it then moved her eyes to the gentlemen. The first man was rather plainish and sleepy looking. Elizabeth shrugged and moved on to the next. Her breath caught as she looked. So that's what tall dark and handsome means! Elizabeth was about to smile at him when she noticed his friend standing next to him. He was staring and smiling at someone just passed her. It could only be Jane. Elizabeth turned towards her sister to make sure and saw Jane smiling back and ... and blushing. Well, it looks like we will meet our newest club members. She looked at Jane again and saw the brightness of her smile; Mamma may finally get her wish. Elizabeth saw this gentleman start towards them.

Chapter 3

William Darcy jumped as he heard a shrill voice cut through the relatively calm air. "Lizzy!" This Voice said. What on Earth is a Lizzy? He thought to himself. Looking in the direction of the disturbance he noticed that most of the club members didn't seem to notice The Voice. Some even winked at each other as if they knew what exactly was going on. Figures , he thought, there's always one. Watching the doorway to see what The Voice looked like he saw the entrance of six women. The oldest, the mother he presumed was berating a short brunette about something. He couldn't understand why this woman couldn't keep quiet about personal matters in such a public place. To Darcy it was very ill mannered. As the mother herded her brood into the ballroom Darcy saw with some amusement that the creature The Voice was directed at wasn't even paying attention to her, a fact that her mother was completely unaware of.

The brunette looked about the room and finally rested on his group. She eyeballed Caroline and Louisa, dismissed Ron Hurst, Louisa's husband, and settled on him. Darcy didn't know what to think about such obvious behavior. He now thought that she deserved the chastisement that The Voice was giving her. A smile was starting on her lips; she has auburn hair Darcy realized. Then Charles Bingley moved in their direction.

Elizabeth watched with delight as Charles came up. He addressed himself to Mrs. Bennet but saw only Jane, who was looking alternatingly at Charles' eyes and her shoes.

"I'd like to introduce my sisters Caroline and Louisa. This is Ron Hurst Louisa's husband and the tall one over there is my friend William Darcy." Darcy nodded towards them.

Charles would make friends with the most annoying people here , Darcy thought to himself. He stood back from the group as the introductions went around. Darcy was only a guest of Bingley's at his new country club and didn't feel that he needed to ingratiate himself with loud, obnoxious, and (probably) husband hunting mothers. He nodded his head at the women in acknowledgment when his name was announced. Really, Charles, you can do better than this.

Charles asked Jane if she would dance with him which she readily agreed to. He led her to the dance floor and since the band was playing an old slow song he held her gently and they started moving gracefully to the music. They seemed formed for each other , Elizabeth thought. There's no awkwardness or tension at all between them. The band played on and Elizabeth wandered about the floor to find her friend Charlotte Lucas who would be there tonight. She saw Charlotte on the dance floor with Bill Collins. Elizabeth suppressed a gag reflex at the sight and then accepted an offer to dance from an old tennis partner.

"Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you" The band the club hired was usually one that specialized in the big band era. Elizabeth liked these old songs. They reminded her of her grandfather who would talk about World War Two and her grandma and the way things used to be. One of her earliest memories was standing on his toes and dancing in the middle of the living room. He used to sing this song to her and Jane a lot. Elizabeth smiled and closed her eyes as she and her partner whirled around the dance floor together. She missed Grandpa very much.

The music stopped and they dancers clapped for the band. Elizabeth opened her eyes and saw William Darcy starring at her. What is he staring at me for? He didn't seem very friendly when Charles introduced him. Elizabeth doubted that he even heard any of their names. Maybe he's just a bit shy.

The band started up again. Elizabeth was thirsty so she declined dancing again and moved towards the bar. She ordered a club soda and sat down. She sighed as she wiggled her toes in her shoes. They were a little tight. Jane and Charles Bingley were close by. They didn't want to dance anymore when a more up beat song came on. Elizabeth thought they seemed very engrossed in whatever it was they were talking about. She smiled at them but declined joining them. She would only be a third wheel.

Charles moved to the bar to get Jane a drink when he noticed Darcy standing nearby looking as if he would rather be doing taxes than have a good time.

"Will, What are you standing around here for? Why aren't you dancing?"

"Charles, you know I don't like to dance with people I'm not familiar with. Your sisters are engaged and there isn't anyone else in the room I know."

"Will, you are amazing. Did you forget that we just met a very nice family of five girls?"

"No, as a point of fact, I remember very clearly that we made the acquaintance of a rather vulgar women and her five daughters. If the mother is any rule, then her daughters will be just as bad."

Charles looked at him in astonishment. "You can't be serious. Mrs. Bennet is a sweet lady and her daughters are very lovely and smart young women besides. I'm going to dance with Jane again in a moment; why don't you ask her sister Elizabeth? She is sitting right over there." He pointed in her direction.

Darcy looked, caught her eye and turned back to his friend. "Charles, I thank you for your concern, but I really don't want to dance right now. Especially with giggly, empty-headed females. You had better go back to Jane and leave me to fend for myself."

Charles looked at him for a few seconds then took his friend's advice. Elizabeth, who heard the entire conversation, was at the same time amused and insulted. What nerve he had to be rude and conceited to people he never met before! Who did he think he was anyway? Empty-headed my foot! He may be good looking but he had the personality of a pet rock. He can get over himself just as soon as he wished. After stewing about it for a moment, Elizabeth started chuckling to herself. It really was a funny situation when you think about it. She needed to find Charlotte.

Darcy saw Elizabeth smiling at something but he couldn't see what. Oh no, did she hear what I just said? He thought. She was close enough to over hear their conversation. Why would she smile at that? He saw her get up and walk away from him. As he watched he found himself wondering, What was so funny about what I said? Is she stupid and doesn't know an insult when she hears it? Darcy shook his head to clear his thoughts. He looked again and saw Elizabeth accosted by a short, squat, toady looking man. He watched as she tried to back away from him. Every step she took back, toady took two towards her. He felt sorry for her predicament but what would you expect at an assembly such as this?

Elizabeth once again spotted Charlotte and made her way towards her. Suddenly someone pounced at her from behind a palm tree and grabbed her arm. "Elizabeth, darling you must dance with me." He said.

She shuddered with revulsion and hastily declined and backed up. Elizabeth never liked Bill Collins very much. He seemed to be always lurking about and making lewd comments to her. A long time ago her mother made a match between Elizabeth and Bill. Elizabeth put that to a stop real quick. He always gave her the willies.

Finally, with a great amount of effort, Elizabeth managed to escape from Bill. Breathing a sigh of relief, she went straight for Charlotte and her family. They say there's strength in numbers , she thought. Elizabeth and Charlotte walked around the room and talked. Elizabeth recounted what she overheard Darcy say to his friend. Charlotte was embarrassed for Elizabeth but they had a good laugh about it anyway.

After a few more dances and strolls around the room, Elizabeth saw Bill Collins stealthily sneaking up to her. Quickly, she ducked into the ladies room and just avoided being caught by his greasy tentacles. Shivering, Elizabeth started counting the minutes she could decently stay in the bathroom. She vaguely remembered hearing a similar story about Rita Hayworth. Apparently, Rita would hang out in the ladies lounges at parties to avoid the Bill Collins of her day or at least, something like that. Elizabeth knew that staying the entire night in the bathroom was impossible so she walked up to the sinks to wash her hands and brace herself for the onslaught.

The swung door open and Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst walked in talking at each other.

"Really, Louisa, I never saw such a rag-tag bunch of creatures in all my life. I can't believe that Charles actually joined this country club. The people don't have any sense whatsoever and it isn't as exclusive as I could wish. Remember that horrid little woman we met earlier? She had five daughters! And she was so…" Caroline's voice faded away when she realized who was standing a few feet away from them. "Why, Elizabeth, you startled me. I…I didn't see you standing there"

"No, I should imagine you didn't." Elizabeth said with a smile. "If you'll excuse me." Elizabeth walked slowly by them and out the bathroom door. She really wanted to tell them off but restrained herself for Jane's sake. Charles seemed to be everything his sisters weren't and starting a catfight with his sisters was not the best way of going about things. Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked for her sister. It was time they headed home. Jane was standing next to Charles and, boy , did she look like she had a great evening. Elizabeth was happy for her sister. Jane was the best person Elizabeth knew of. Elizabeth thought that things might work out with him. Charles seemed like a real gentleman; Elizabeth hoped that he wouldn't turn into something like his sisters after they got to know him better.

Charles asked for and received their telephone number. He promised to call Jane the next day. After several half-hearted good-byes, Elizabeth managed to get Jane to leave. Saying goodbye to their mother and sisters they went out into the night and waited for the valet to bring the car around.

As they waited for their car, Elizabeth closed her eyes and breathed in the salty air. It was mid-August and the sky was a deep bluish-black. In the distance, she could hear the piercing cry of the seagulls. Elizabeth looked over at Jane; she was lost in her own thoughts it seemed.

The car pulled up and the girls got in; Elizabeth handed the valet a tip and pulled out of the driveway. Once they were a few miles down the road Elizabeth turned to her sister and started talking about the party. She talked about her narrow escape from Bill Collins and she talked about Charlotte. Try as she might the most that Elizabeth could get out of Jane was just monosyllables. Finally, Elizabeth tried, "So, Jane what do you think about Charles Bingley?"

"Charles? Oh! Well, I guess he's a nice man."

"You guess? You spent half the night with him, you must know more than that, Jane."

"Well, Elizabeth, we just met him tonight. I didn't ask for his life story."

"Yes, that would have been very rude to do so." Elizabeth said smiling at her sister.

"However, that's probably what you should have done. You know Mom's going to give you the interrogation tomorrow. She won't rest until she knows everything from his job title down to his blood type."

Jane laughed with her sister, "Yes, you're right. Perhaps we should lose ourselves tomorrow morning so as not to be there when she calls."

"That sounds like a plan to me." Looking over at Jane, Elizabeth ventured, "What do you think of his sisters? They aren't as nice as Charles."

"Do you think so? I thought they were charming. Yes, very sweet and pleasing."

"Jane you just described our dog . Now really, you seem to think more highly of them than their brother."

"Elizabeth, you're starting again."

"OK." She paused. "What did you think of William Darcy?" Elizabeth asked.

"I didn't talk to him much. He seems to be very shy."

"More like proud and arrogant if you ask me."

"Why? What happened?" Jane asked. Elizabeth recounted the conversation she overheard earlier in the evening. Jane was hurt at his description of their mother but thought that he didn't mean it the way it came out.

How else could he mean it , Elizabeth wanted to know. She kept her mouth shut. Jane was determined to like William Darcy and Charles' sisters no matter what. Elizabeth wasn't sure if she should tell Jane about what Caroline was saying when she walked into the bathroom. She decided to let it wait until the next day. After a little while, they finally reached their apartment building. Elizabeth pulled into their parking spot, yanked the emergency brake up and slid out of the car. She prepared herself for Sandy jumping up onto her. They were gone for quite a while and Sandy would need to go for a long walk. "Whoa! Sandy! Down! Down! Goood girl. I'll take her out, Jane, you can go on to bed."

"All right, thanks, Lizzy. Goodnight." "Night, Jane."

Elizabeth changed out of her dress and into shorts and T-shirt. "OK, Sandy, let's go out." Later, when Elizabeth was in bed, she thought about the people they had just met. Maybe she was being too harsh on Caroline and William Darcy. Jane could be right, William might only be shy. Elizabeth remembered that she thought the same thing when the introductions went around. But, then she remembered what he said . Giggly and empty-headed were his words. There was no two ways about it, He's not shy, he's a jerk . And Caroline, she was just a snob. Oh well, we can't all be perfect can we? Elizabeth leaned over and scratched Sandy behind the ears. I wish people were more like dogs. They don't care how much money you make or what you look like. You could be an ax murderer and they would still love you. Elizabeth sighed and drifted off to sleep.

Darcy leaned back on his bed and put his hands behind his head. The evening turned out pretty much like he thought it would. Boring, obnoxious people and husband-hunting mothers and their daughters. Hmmm, daughters. Well, Charles certainly had a good time with Jane Bennet. She was very polite and didn't ask too many questions. Her mother was ridiculous though. And her sister, Elizabeth… He wasn't sure what he thought about her. He was surprised at her reaction to his insult. She didn't dwell over it or moon about like a huffy cow. Instead she shook it off and laughed at him. Actually laughed and almost in his face, too. It was a strange feeling, to be laughed at like that. Most people he knew were too much in awe of him to laugh at him. At least to his face. Darcy didn't know if he liked it.

She certainly handled herself well with that toady fellow. I guess the guy can't take a hint. Darcy chuckled as he remembered seeing Elizabeth's escape from Mr. Toad. Dodged right into the bathroom, she was quick thinking. Then he remembered that Caroline and Louisa went in next. Almost immediately Elizabeth walked out, as if she didn't like to be in their presence. Well, who can blame her? I don't like her that much either. I'm going to have to do something about that Caroline. She's is getting more annoying every day. I know she thinks that someday we will be married. I don't know why, I never encourage her in that way. All evening long, whenever Caroline could grab ahold of Darcy she would talk endlessly about how pleased she was that he came with them and would he like to join them for this or can he make it for that. On and on her voice would drone in his ear like a mosquito. At least you can smack a mosquito , Darcy thought to himself and then laughed as he pictured himself slapping Caroline. Maybe I could invent some Caroline Repellant? Darcy laughed some more at that. Just then there was a knock on his door. "Come in" Darcy said sitting up.

Caroline entered the room, "Hello, William. I just wanted to be sure you were comfortable in your cabin." Darcy looked around the room. They were staying on Charles' ship the White Lady . The room was spacious and accommodating and he had a private head. He looked at Caroline. She was wearing a filmy robe and even filmier nightgown. Who is she kidding? He thought. "Thank you, Caroline, I will be quite comfortable."

"Are you sure you won't…need anything, William?" Caroline stressed "need" just a little.

"Yes, Caroline, I will be just fine, thank you. If you don't mind I'd like to go to sleep now."

"Oh! Of course, I don't want to keep you up. But, if you find that you do need anything my cabin is right next to yours." She pointed to his right. "Just come and get me."

You wish. "Thanks, Caroline. Goodnight."

"Goodni-iight." She almost sang this last part out as she closed the door. Darcy waited until he heard her door shut then he got up and locked his door. That woman would try any thing ,he thought as he crawled into bed. He started to roll onto his right side until he remembered that he would be facing Caroline's cabin. So he rolled over onto his left side and let the gentle rocking of the boat put him to sleep. Strangely enough, the last thing he remembered thinking of was a laughing, auburn haired girl.

Caroline pouted in her cabin as she waited for him to join her. What's wrong with him? Can't he take a hint? What does a girl have to do? No matter, he'll come. They always do. Caroline sniffled as she thought of William Darcy sleeping so close to her and yet so far. She thought about how he rejected her advances. Maybe I wasn't obvious enough. He's always a perfect gentleman. Too gentleman-like some times. Maybe he just needs some more encouragement. Caroline glanced at the door. Still not there. Where is he?! Maybe he's gay? Naahhh! She had heard too many stories from Charles about their old college days. He didn't go into details but Caroline gathered enough to know that he definitely liked women in the way it counted. So, where was he? Surely not sleeping. Caroline knew that she was attractive. She spent so much money on beauty products that even if she weren't she could still be very pleasing to the eye. Caroline thought about it some more. Maybe he wants someone to play hard to get. After all, he is one of the richest men in the United States; he must have girls throwing themselves at him all the time. That's it! I'll just be pure, sweet, demure little Caroline. I know just what to do. Caroline smiled as she drifted off to sleep. In her dreams she and William were getting married in front of all their friends and family and she saw all his money piled up for her to spend. Her smile was very content.

Chapter 4

Elizabeth blinked her eyes open as the phone rang. It was early. Too early. She decided to let the machine get it. God bless phone machines , she thought.

"Jane, it's your mother. I know you're there, it's too early for you to be out yet so pick up the phone. Oh, Jane I have the most exciting news for you. After you left the party last night I made it a point to talk to Charles Bingley. He seemed to like you a great deal, Jane. You must have made quite an impression on him. But then, I've always said that you could not be so beautiful for nothing. Anyway, I asked what he did for a living, for you know, he must be very rich; and he said that he owned a…BEEEEEP." The answering machine cut her off again. Elizabeth smiled and rolled over.

The phone rang again. She can't be serious. Elizabeth looked at the clock. It was six a.m. Why don't the Jerky Boys call and give us a break? The answering machine picked up. "Girls, you really must get that fixed, one can't have a decent conversation on such a short time period. Jane, Charles Bingley owns Bingley Enterprises! The computer business! Oh this is so fortunate for you. I always knew that you would land a rich husband. I'm going to invite him and his sisters for a little get together soon. I need you to tell me when the best time would be for you. I want you to look your best , Jane. Of course, you always do. Tell Lizzy I said Hi and also ask her to…BEEEEP." The phone remained silent. Whatever it was Elizabeth was supposed to do wasn't important enough for her mother to call back.

Well, there was no point in going back to sleep now. Elizabeth was wide-awake. Chuckling at her mom's enthusiastic wake up call, she scuffled into the kitchen. Jane was already up and making her breakfast. She looked a bit worried.

"What's wrong, Jane? You look scared."

"Lizzy, did you hear what Mom just said about Charles? He owns Bingley Enterprises!"

...

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